Working with a horse at liberty (without a rope on the horse) is a delicate and intricate dance. A dance that involves an invisible string, connecting you and your horse, which at one moment feels like it is made of the strongest twine and the next moment disintegrates into thin air. This is not unlike the dance of human relationships, including parenting and counselling, and the learnings from one context may guide us in others.
To dance in harmony you need to continuously feel the power of the connection moving along the string; to know when it is safe to lead in a certain move, and when you need to slow your dance down and work on strengthening your connection.
The smallest nuances can make huge differences. An intuitive dancer reads her horse’s body language to gauge the strength of the connection and the direction they need to go to stay in step; monitoring and adjusting her own moves to see where she is at risk of weakening the connection. A step forward or back, looking up or down, at his head or at his tail; the horse is always paying close attention and when you are working with him at liberty so should you.
I am reminded of this every time I work – or dance – with Skye, a highly sensitive Arabian horse.
Some days it feels like a nice smooth waltz with us moving gently in time, in sync with each other, through a steady connection that never wavers. On those days he turns when I ask, moves calmly in a circle in the direction I suggest, comes smoothly in when I beckon. His eyes are soft, his ears tune in my direction, and his head lowers as he approaches. We move sideways, forwards and back in perfect unison, in tune with each other; and I feel in tune with the world.
Other days I get it all wrong and I completely miss his cues. He asks for more connection and I don’t see his request, I send him away when he needed to come close, I take a hold on the string and ask for more before I realize that it is already gone. Those are the days that see Skye galloping off with me standing in his dust, wondering what went wrong this time, not feeling in tune with anything.
On reflection I always see that right before Skye took off I asked for more than I should have.
I misread the strength of that invisible string and pulled on something that wasn’t there. I acted outside of the level of leadership our current connection afforded me. Perhaps I asked him to trot a circle when I should have kept him in walk or simply have kept him much closer to me; or to turn his hind quarters when I didn’t have a strong enough connection to keep his front end with me. Most of my errors come out of asking him to move away from me when he was not secure enough in that moment to want to come back. So he chooses to leave.
Sometime, if I realize my misjudgment quickly enough, I can ‘get him back’; a quick dance step and I’m back in the lead again; by asking for the right turn in the right way I can engage his attention and bring him in close before I lose the connection completely and he heads for the hills – or at least for the gate.
Luckily Skye is forgiving. He usually comes back, or at least agrees to me bringing him back, and is ready to try again. This time I will know that I need to focus on the strength of our connection and relationship, on re-building that invisible string; and to keep my requests and directions within the level of leadership it provides me.
Others see me working with my horses and suggest ways I could increase my ‘influence’ to get a ‘better behaved’ horse. Perhaps some horse treats to let him know when he is getting it right, or a whip to remind him who is boss and correct him when he makes a wrong step. Thing is, while those techniques may work when you have a rope on your horse any time I’ve seen anything like them tried at liberty the end result has been to sever or distract from that invisible string. The treats bring his attention away from me and onto the treat. No longer are we reading each other’s cues and dancing in tune; now he is solely focused on what might be in my pocket. One step forward, one step back and he is still going for the x –ray vision through the fabric of my jacket. This result could last for many days, with him checking my pockets regularly, until I can finally bring his attention back to me.
The whip I will use to gently rub his back with when I can’t reach, but if it is used or threatened in reprimand it rarely goes well. The first time I use it he may respond with alarm and, if the invisible string survives intact, may react immediately and often in the way I was aiming for. But I will see the fear in his careful eyes, in his high head carriage and uneasy stance. I will know that the string has been frayed and that next time I pull it may break. And that time he may not be so willing to come back and try again. This is not natural leadership; it is coercion and force which he can smell a mile away (along with those treats).
As a Mom and parenting coach I see rich parallels to how we parent our children. So many parenting strategies are really just forms of the treats or the whip. A significant body of research, supported by neuroscience and attachment theory, shows that the most critical factor for a child’s long term health, emotional development and well-being is a healthy attachment with a care-taking adult. Any parenting approach that does not honour this connection and relationship risks damaging it.
As a counsellor there are also important lessons here. I clearly remember at grad school being told that the most significant factor in our clients’ success was not which technique we used, but the relationship we formed with them. Again, why would we not prioritise this in all that we do?
So, in all three contexts, I endeavor to keep my focus upon that invisible string and find ways to dance within the realms of what it offers me in each moment. I won’t always get it right but I know that provided I focus primarily on that connection and relationship then Skye – and hopefully also my children and clients – will keep accepting my dance invites, and all of the rest will come in time.
Would you say that a sand or dirt area is better initially for ‘liberty’ type interactions? My horses just want to eat in grass enclosures.
Yes, this is usually the case! That being said when it is safe to do so interacting with your horses in their own pasture can be a great way to do this too.
So many wonderful parallels here! The ability to be present in the moment each time we are with our horses and/or children/ or clients, is such a gift that makes this work so important. What I love about EFW is that we can benefit as much as the clients from the work. That the bond between our horses is what can give the client the success they need in their sessions. I love that what I learn has so many rich parallels to life.
Wonderful reflection Gabrielle!
I love this work in “working around the edges”, more space, a little left, backing up, then again more space. A learning process for all involved in trust, safety and learnings. Letting go and allowing to be …
Great article. I appreciate your perspective on the intricacy of building connections and learning how to properly read the body language of your horses. You’ve given me so much to think about. Thank you.
I can’t wait to learn more about liberty work and how you integrate this into your practice!!!! I recently watched a really moving story on youtube about a girl who does this type play/work with her horses and I was absolutely mesmerized as I watched her gallop while standing on the back of two horse running side by side down a beach. I have always loved to just hop on my horse’s back in the pasture and direct him with my feet. We just putz around with no real objective but it is truly an amazing feeling and experience to connect with an animal like that. I would love to learn how to take that connection to the next level!
Ahh – liberty – the amazing way of working with horses that doesn’t involve force. Similarly, I have really enjoyed the concept of “Feel” when working with horses.
I took a liberty course once from Niki Flundra, it is so incredible to see the relationship she has with her horses. It truly is about the relationship and not about fixing their behavior. I loved learning about liberty and would be interested to practice it more!
I’d never thought in terms of the fine line of a string… I can, too often, be aware of my “end of the string” and not the horses. Good to consider ALL the time. I experienced this idea with Hank not too long ago. I asked him to approach me in a pasture and he did – but with distance between us. I acknowledged his boundaries – he circled around me, was wanting to be there, but not come to me. We hung out that way for quite some time. The next day he must have thought about it and was ready to come right to me. He’s, traditionally, been “hard to catch”.
That is great that you are feeling this so well Elizabeth!
I think this can be such an amazing experience when horses respond in this way. Did you find he was able to continue to be easier to catch?
Would you say that your approach differs with each horse, and each child? Some horses and children seem to be more resilient and self-confident while others are more needy and insecure which in turn determines how ‘loud’ we are with our ask, movements, and discipline. Skye sounds like he can and has taught many people about being easeful with movements and not skipping steps or cutting corners.
Similarly, a mare may be more sensitive or less engaged one day than the next, depending on where she is in her hormonal cycle or perhaps just how she’s feeling that day. There are many posts or comments about mares being more temperamental, yet I love them for their personality and having an equal partner.
Good question Jessica! I would say that the underlying principals of my approach are pretty consistent from horse to horse/ child to child and from day to day, but how I implement it will be flexible depending on their individual needs, mood, sensitivity and preferences and also on environmental factors. Does this make sense?
The invisible string or connection is a great visual for me to keep an eye on in all these relationships. I am also hoping to try doing this liberty work with some of our horses one day. It sounds like fun and something I’ll keep learning from!
I really enjoyed this one. Many parallels especially tied to some of the messaging intended from the experiential activities.
I appreciate Jessica’s question and your response regarding the approach vs. principals and implementation. Such an important point. Putting it into practice is a fluid “dance” all in its own. an artform!
This article really resonates with me. In all aspects of life as well, my boys, horses, dogs and even in my professional corporate life.
I’m glad it was a good fit Holly!
Thank you for highlighting the importance of connection and relationship in work and family contexts. A good reminder to slow down and make time for this connection and paying attention to cues.
I appreciated your describing the times that it does not work as it is a great reminder of the importance of self reflection.
I like what you noted at the end Sue around the importance of connection/attachment. Reminds me of discussions I’ve had with colleagues about clients and treatment modalities and how much training a therapist can take is all great and can be worthwhile but not if you dont have the connection with the client.
Also just a note on liberty work – Do you think that engagement in liberty work with a client can provide a sense of accomplishment, confidence for that client to move a horse around and perhaps a worthwhile exercise to try?
I actually don’t do a lot of liberty work with clients, or at least not active liberty work – the exception would be if a client had a really solid context (relationship) with a particular horse and enough feel to be able to move in to some liberty work in a way which was emotionally safe for both them and the horse. What I will do is lots of gentle connecting work between client and horse and then the horse will often follow the client without a rope. Kind of the join up without the driving part.
As a horse owner and educator, I find there are so many parallels between those two worlds. Finding connection and building relationships are crucial and yet there are expectations and outcomes to fulfill. Finding that space in the middle can be tricky, and yet it’s amazing how often an experience in one realm can help with the other.
“The most significant factor in our clients’ success was not which technique we used, but the relationship we formed with them” I have heard this before as well Sue! This could also be said for all relationships – with people and animals. “They may not remember the words you say, but they remember how you made them feel”.
Thank you, Sue. This helps me let go of a number of things, like needing to do the ground work that I was told to do and feeling like I am “doing it wrong” when the dance doesn’t go as I “planned” or wanted. This gives me a renewed energy to slow down and keep doing what I know is most beneficial for my horse, even if other people cannot “see it”.
Another great article and shows importance of being aware in every moment – what am I hearing? What am I seeing? Should I ask for more, should I change my approach – again the reminder that less is more stands out to me.
Great reflections Judy! This reminds me of the Will Clinging article we include in the Exploration training material. He talks about our horses needing to know that we notice when they are concerned, in order for them to feel safe with us being their leader. As they are so aware this means we have to notice much more than we usually might!
I need practice with my invincible string.
I think we all do!
When I was in school we would often refer to counseling and the counseling relationship as a “dance” both partners always moving, changing, and interacting with each other. And yes sometimes the dance goes smoothly and other times not. It is interesting to think of this in the relationship with a horse, but this too makes sense. I think understanding that this dance takes place with both our animals and clients is important and treating it with respect.
Yes – I love the dance analogy as it captures the feel of a relationship so well
Liberty – the space with no strings attached. A sacred, magical place where the most amazing experiences can occur and the body language conversation where the truth comes out.
With horses, it is the time where the connection you have made doesn’t lie and cannot be lured back in by the use of tools.
Appreciated all of your reflections in this story Sue.
yes! Liberty work will really show you a reflection on where the relationship and connection is!
I have a horse right now who is very challenging to catch. If I approach him with the intent of trying to get a rope or halter on him he seems to feel very threatened and tries to evade me (even if I have treats – actually, the treats sometimes make it worse as he really does seem to see them as bribes to trap or trick him with). But, if I simply start doing some gentle liberty work with him, often right out in the pasture, I gradually start to build that connection and relationship in that moment until ‘catching’ him becomes a non issue.
love the analogy of the invisible string and the flexibility, fluidness, or tension that might exist at different moments and the developing awareness of how even just this thread can become a gauge for the health and balance of the relationship
I love this post Sue! Liberty connection is my absolute personal favourite way of being with horses!!!! Even the short moments where I know that two have become one… are worth all the other experiences that took us there. I have found that Liberty connection comes more easily when I am first connected well with myself… it all begins within.. and this is how I aim to prepare for all my sessions. Gather myself, my inner child, and anything else that is ‘up’ for me at that time, embrace it with love, compassion and acceptance and once grounded here, I begin working with other. 🙂
I agree here Michelle – I try to only do liberty work with my horses when I am in the right place and know I can be – and stay – regulated
Such a great example and connection. Liberty work is something that I’m still trying to learn. I love how you connect this to every aspect. Our horsemanship, way we work with our clients, and as a parent.
I too love it when things all seem to line up like this – when something is true you tend to see it in several contexts!
Inspiring and beautiful. I recently purchased (really rescued) a gorgeous gelding named McKenzie who is very sensitive and yet shut down. He looks very much like your boy. He has offered that dance on the longe line I have gone with it. I ask him gently with the whip for shoulder’s in and he is very rigid and tense. Giving him treats doesn’t relieve the tensions. I have found he is better at hand signals. He is dull and disconnected when ridden so I have stopped that as He has huge gaits and impusion and if he explodes and is not connected to me I will get dumped. I will now consider liberty work and see what happens. My clients are always experiments with the soft connection with the horse in the reins and in their bodies. WIth soft eyes and encouraging deep breaths we move towards my horse’s and student’s relaxation and comfort especially if an element of frustration and healing moment (like a teaching moment) emerge in the lesson.
I love that you mention soft eyes here Erin – this is something we explore later on in the Foundation training and often practice during sessions!
Really like how liberty is like dancing with a horse as your partner as it is all about body language and non verbal communication. Like learning to dance with a partner liberty work is about learning to work with your horse as your partner. I agree attachment is more important for relationship and connection than just the treats and whip method of interaction with horses or people.
Asking for more when we need to connect first, a common parenting practice. How many times do we call our kids to come do their kitchen chore without asking them first how their game is going upstairs or what part are they at in their book today. The same in session, how often do we ask of things or provide direction without being sure they felt heard in their story first? I so appreciate the work on attachment and the guidance to stay connected in order to lead. It’s such a shift from focusing on behavior. Really gets us asking questions about what our goals are. Thank you for sharing your dance with Skye.
I love the metaphor of the invisible string. It helps me to understand better what the real goal of liberty work with horses is, and how we might use that parallel in our relationships with clients. In my upcoming sessions this week, I am going to think about the invisible string between me and my clients and see if I can dance with them!
we will come back to this one many times during training Andrea! There is a wonderful series of books by Patrice Karst that you may like!
Wonderful, thanks, Sue!
Love this! I have been so interested in liberty work but have no experience with it! I think about my invisible string with my two opposite horses. One who is anxious and like the string to be short and tight and I’m trying to teach him to lengthen it and relax while the other feels connected no matter how far apart as she is brave and calm and I at times feel disconnected and misread her distance as rejection. Fascinating how this analogy aligns with dance theory which I have much more experience in and how if we focus too much on our steps and our role we lose sight of our partner and the connection and flow of the dance. Like being too short sighted. And yet if we focus too much on what the partner is doing or not doing we are less responsive and clunky and again the dance is disrupted. All about finding balance and harmony in the whole and each of its moving parts!! I’m loving these lenses!!!
wonderful reflections here Elicia. I like the references to dance theory and the balance this encourages – this all makes a lot of sense!
I read this article before going to the barn yesterday to ride. My horse, Akolito, always comes to the gate to meet me when he sees me coming, except yesterday when he stayed at the far end of the paddock. I decided to take time to be quiet and curious. I saw a new mare had moved into the neighbour’s field behind his paddock. He had made a new friend and did not want to leave her! I was telling me about his new friend. I gave him some extra time outside before he was ready to come inside.
thanks for sharing this Tonia – a great example of what can happen when we, as you say, “take time to be quiet and curious”
I believe there is a children’s book called the Invisible String. I love this invisible string, and I see now that I unintentionally made reference to an invisible string just last night, in the context of parenting. My relationship with my challenging giant goofy dog comes to mind as well, in reading this post, in that I don’t want to be damaging my relationship with her when she’s been a turkey.
Hi Jen
We use the Invisible String on a regular basis! There is also a spin off book called ‘the Invisible Leash’ that you ma like too aswell as the Invisible Web and the Invisible String worksbook!
Sue,
I find it very reassuring that you also ask “for more than I should have”. I often make this error with my horses. I am also learning that some days I can ask more than others and like us horses have easy days and hard days too.
I suppose this could apply when working with clients in therapy too, to attune to and meet the clients where they are at in eacg present moment, and be aware of when we are asking for too much.
Thanks for sharing!
Absolutely this happens in client sessions too (and in our own relationships) – and it definitely happens to me in all of these!
I love the string metaphor! There are so many transferences coming to mind as I read this article. I am a visual person and in my mind I can see how there are days (or sometimes just moments) where the string is a strong, thick rope and others where all I see is a thin. delicate filament, like from a spiders web. I see the use of this in sensing that connection, or being in tune with, the horses and my clients. I can think of many times when I pulled too hard on a delicate string and it has broken, however, I also believe those times have provided opportunities for repair, whether they were with my horse, or with a client.
I call the string metaphor, “universe strings”, the strings that represent are attachments when we are with those we are attached to and when we are not with them. I have noticed that I am paying more attention to when I am responding or asking too much of my horse. For example, last night I was riding my horse with the indoor arena with the big doors open. The horses in the pen ran outside the door ran and bucked and I reacted as if my horse was going to react. In that moment, my horse took care of me and said it was okay, but if our string had been detached in any way, my over reaction could have led to my horse having a different response. The difference now is my owning of when I overreacted/asked too much and could have tried differently, and inviting for relationship repair (tending to the string).
I love how in this example you are so open and ready to take responsibility for your piece of the equation – so often we immediately blame the horse! And I’m glad it all worked out well
Relationship and connection are key. Love how horses are always communicating with us, and people too, and the need to slow down and listen if we are to keep the invisible string going. This article made me think about my own use of treats, which I do occasionally give in form of polos, but not every time so this is not always expected, but agree with the above- for some horses it can be a complete distraction and feels as if that is all they are interested in at times, so needs to be thought through carefully. Also made me consider how important connection with our horses are, and also how forgiving and patient they are with us when we get it wrong.
The treats topic is an interesting one Donna. At a horsemanship conference I was at recently the presenter was talking about using treats for specific things (e.g. to teach a new behaviour) but not during connecting times
I work with traumatized youth, and I believe that everything that you said is absolutely fundamental when working to build trust and connections. Everything we do is a balanced dance step, move to quick and we step on toes and it is difficult to get them to try again, go to slow and they feel like we just don’t have to time or interest in working with them. As for treats, that is where I think there is a difference between kids and animals might be – when you are feeding kids it helps them regulate as well as you are filling a basic need for them which in turn can help build trust. Also there is something about sharing food with someone that makes you want to talk. It is always important to meet them where they are at – both animals and people, and knowing that we are not going to get it right all of the time, but as we build those connections we are able to build empathy and understanding.
There’s a new booking coming out in September called ‘Nourish’ by Deborah MacNamara which I think you would like Katherine – it explores the strong connections between food and attachment. I totally agree that, where it’s possible and appropriate, providing food (or even just tea) can be a helpful part of sessions. We will also feed horses during sessions but usually stick to hay, and timing for this is important! There are many factors at play here and we will keep coming back to them during the trainings!