Working with a horse at liberty (without a rope on the horse) is a delicate and intricate dance. A dance that involves an invisible string, connecting you and your horse, which at one moment feels like it is made of the strongest twine and the next moment disintegrates into thin air. This is not unlike the dance of human relationships, including parenting and counselling, and the learnings from one context may guide us in others.
To dance in harmony you need to continuously feel the power of the connection moving along the string; to know when it is safe to lead in a certain move, and when you need to slow your dance down and work on strengthening your connection.
The smallest nuances can make huge differences. An intuitive dancer reads her horse’s body language to gauge the strength of the connection and the direction they need to go to stay in step; monitoring and adjusting her own moves to see where she is at risk of weakening the connection. A step forward or back, looking up or down, at his head or at his tail; the horse is always paying close attention and when you are working with him at liberty so should you.
I am reminded of this every time I work – or dance – with Skye, a highly sensitive Arabian horse.
Some days it feels like a nice smooth waltz with us moving gently in time, in sync with each other, through a steady connection that never wavers. On those days he turns when I ask, moves calmly in a circle in the direction I suggest, comes smoothly in when I beckon. His eyes are soft, his ears tune in my direction, and his head lowers as he approaches. We move sideways, forwards and back in perfect unison, in tune with each other; and I feel in tune with the world.
Other days I get it all wrong and I completely miss his cues. He asks for more connection and I don’t see his request, I send him away when he needed to come close, I take a hold on the string and ask for more before I realize that it is already gone. Those are the days that see Skye galloping off with me standing in his dust, wondering what went wrong this time, not feeling in tune with anything.
On reflection I always see that right before Skye took off I asked for more than I should have.
I misread the strength of that invisible string and pulled on something that wasn’t there. I acted outside of the level of leadership our current connection afforded me. Perhaps I asked him to trot a circle when I should have kept him in walk or simply have kept him much closer to me; or to turn his hind quarters when I didn’t have a strong enough connection to keep his front end with me. Most of my errors come out of asking him to move away from me when he was not secure enough in that moment to want to come back. So he chooses to leave.
Sometime, if I realize my misjudgment quickly enough, I can ‘get him back’; a quick dance step and I’m back in the lead again; by asking for the right turn in the right way I can engage his attention and bring him in close before I lose the connection completely and he heads for the hills – or at least for the gate.
Luckily Skye is forgiving. He usually comes back, or at least agrees to me bringing him back, and is ready to try again. This time I will know that I need to focus on the strength of our connection and relationship, on re-building that invisible string; and to keep my requests and directions within the level of leadership it provides me.
Others see me working with my horses and suggest ways I could increase my ‘influence’ to get a ‘better behaved’ horse. Perhaps some horse treats to let him know when he is getting it right, or a whip to remind him who is boss and correct him when he makes a wrong step. Thing is, while those techniques may work when you have a rope on your horse any time I’ve seen anything like them tried at liberty the end result has been to sever or distract from that invisible string. The treats bring his attention away from me and onto the treat. No longer are we reading each other’s cues and dancing in tune; now he is solely focused on what might be in my pocket. One step forward, one step back and he is still going for the x –ray vision through the fabric of my jacket. This result could last for many days, with him checking my pockets regularly, until I can finally bring his attention back to me.
The whip I will use to gently rub his back with when I can’t reach, but if it is used or threatened in reprimand it rarely goes well. The first time I use it he may respond with alarm and, if the invisible string survives intact, may react immediately and often in the way I was aiming for. But I will see the fear in his careful eyes, in his high head carriage and uneasy stance. I will know that the string has been frayed and that next time I pull it may break. And that time he may not be so willing to come back and try again. This is not natural leadership; it is coercion and force which he can smell a mile away (along with those treats).
As a Mom and parenting coach I see rich parallels to how we parent our children. So many parenting strategies are really just forms of the treats or the whip. A significant body of research, supported by neuroscience and attachment theory, shows that the most critical factor for a child’s long term health, emotional development and well-being is a healthy attachment with a care-taking adult. Any parenting approach that does not honour this connection and relationship risks damaging it.
As a counsellor there are also important lessons here. I clearly remember at grad school being told that the most significant factor in our clients’ success was not which technique we used, but the relationship we formed with them. Again, why would we not prioritise this in all that we do?
So, in all three contexts, I endeavor to keep my focus upon that invisible string and find ways to dance within the realms of what it offers me in each moment. I won’t always get it right but I know that provided I focus primarily on that connection and relationship then Skye – and hopefully also my children and clients – will keep accepting my dance invites, and all of the rest will come in time.
Would you say that a sand or dirt area is better initially for ‘liberty’ type interactions? My horses just want to eat in grass enclosures.
Yes, this is usually the case! That being said when it is safe to do so interacting with your horses in their own pasture can be a great way to do this too.
So many wonderful parallels here! The ability to be present in the moment each time we are with our horses and/or children/ or clients, is such a gift that makes this work so important. What I love about EFW is that we can benefit as much as the clients from the work. That the bond between our horses is what can give the client the success they need in their sessions. I love that what I learn has so many rich parallels to life.
Wonderful reflection Gabrielle!
I love this work in “working around the edges”, more space, a little left, backing up, then again more space. A learning process for all involved in trust, safety and learnings. Letting go and allowing to be …
Great article. I appreciate your perspective on the intricacy of building connections and learning how to properly read the body language of your horses. You’ve given me so much to think about. Thank you.
I can’t wait to learn more about liberty work and how you integrate this into your practice!!!! I recently watched a really moving story on youtube about a girl who does this type play/work with her horses and I was absolutely mesmerized as I watched her gallop while standing on the back of two horse running side by side down a beach. I have always loved to just hop on my horse’s back in the pasture and direct him with my feet. We just putz around with no real objective but it is truly an amazing feeling and experience to connect with an animal like that. I would love to learn how to take that connection to the next level!
Ahh – liberty – the amazing way of working with horses that doesn’t involve force. Similarly, I have really enjoyed the concept of “Feel” when working with horses.
I took a liberty course once from Niki Flundra, it is so incredible to see the relationship she has with her horses. It truly is about the relationship and not about fixing their behavior. I loved learning about liberty and would be interested to practice it more!
I’d never thought in terms of the fine line of a string… I can, too often, be aware of my “end of the string” and not the horses. Good to consider ALL the time. I experienced this idea with Hank not too long ago. I asked him to approach me in a pasture and he did – but with distance between us. I acknowledged his boundaries – he circled around me, was wanting to be there, but not come to me. We hung out that way for quite some time. The next day he must have thought about it and was ready to come right to me. He’s, traditionally, been “hard to catch”.
That is great that you are feeling this so well Elizabeth!
Would you say that your approach differs with each horse, and each child? Some horses and children seem to be more resilient and self-confident while others are more needy and insecure which in turn determines how ‘loud’ we are with our ask, movements, and discipline. Skye sounds like he can and has taught many people about being easeful with movements and not skipping steps or cutting corners.
Similarly, a mare may be more sensitive or less engaged one day than the next, depending on where she is in her hormonal cycle or perhaps just how she’s feeling that day. There are many posts or comments about mares being more temperamental, yet I love them for their personality and having an equal partner.
Good question Jessica! I would say that the underlying principals of my approach are pretty consistent from horse to horse/ child to child and from day to day, but how I implement it will be flexible depending on their individual needs, mood, sensitivity and preferences and also on environmental factors. Does this make sense?
The invisible string or connection is a great visual for me to keep an eye on in all these relationships. I am also hoping to try doing this liberty work with some of our horses one day. It sounds like fun and something I’ll keep learning from!
I really enjoyed this one. Many parallels especially tied to some of the messaging intended from the experiential activities.
I appreciate Jessica’s question and your response regarding the approach vs. principals and implementation. Such an important point. Putting it into practice is a fluid “dance” all in its own. an artform!
This article really resonates with me. In all aspects of life as well, my boys, horses, dogs and even in my professional corporate life.
I’m glad it was a good fit Holly!
Thank you for highlighting the importance of connection and relationship in work and family contexts. A good reminder to slow down and make time for this connection and paying attention to cues.
I appreciated your describing the times that it does not work as it is a great reminder of the importance of self reflection.
I like what you noted at the end Sue around the importance of connection/attachment. Reminds me of discussions I’ve had with colleagues about clients and treatment modalities and how much training a therapist can take is all great and can be worthwhile but not if you dont have the connection with the client.
Also just a note on liberty work – Do you think that engagement in liberty work with a client can provide a sense of accomplishment, confidence for that client to move a horse around and perhaps a worthwhile exercise to try?
I actually don’t do a lot of liberty work with clients, or at least not active liberty work – the exception would be if a client had a really solid context (relationship) with a particular horse and enough feel to be able to move in to some liberty work in a way which was emotionally safe for both them and the horse. What I will do is lots of gentle connecting work between client and horse and then the horse will often follow the client without a rope. Kind of the join up without the driving part.
As a horse owner and educator, I find there are so many parallels between those two worlds. Finding connection and building relationships are crucial and yet there are expectations and outcomes to fulfill. Finding that space in the middle can be tricky, and yet it’s amazing how often an experience in one realm can help with the other.
“The most significant factor in our clients’ success was not which technique we used, but the relationship we formed with them” I have heard this before as well Sue! This could also be said for all relationships – with people and animals. “They may not remember the words you say, but they remember how you made them feel”.
Thank you, Sue. This helps me let go of a number of things, like needing to do the ground work that I was told to do and feeling like I am “doing it wrong” when the dance doesn’t go as I “planned” or wanted. This gives me a renewed energy to slow down and keep doing what I know is most beneficial for my horse, even if other people cannot “see it”.
Another great article and shows importance of being aware in every moment – what am I hearing? What am I seeing? Should I ask for more, should I change my approach – again the reminder that less is more stands out to me.
Great reflections Judy! This reminds me of the Will Clinging article we include in the Exploration training material. He talks about our horses needing to know that we notice when they are concerned, in order for them to feel safe with us being their leader. As they are so aware this means we have to notice much more than we usually might!