This blog post is part of a series exploring the value and benefits of spending time with horses and other animals, including within a therapeutic environment. Previous posts have introduced the series, provided a brief overview and understanding of the research, have explored how the presence of animals can make it safe to seek help, and discussed what we have in common with horses.
Today’s post applies our understanding of our shared biology, to how we can look to horses and other animals for life lessons.
Whether we are engaging in an animal assisted therapy program or simply observing our own four legged friends, animals can be powerful role models with much to teach us. But why does this potential exist and how can we best harness it?
Perhaps it comes down to the fact that horses – and many other animals – are:
Close enough to be relatable, yet distinct enough to show us some different options.
The best way to illustrate this is perhaps through a real-life example, in this case a session from early on in my equine therapy career.
My client that day was ‘Anna’, a young Mom struggling with social anxiety and depression. Anna was constantly critiquing herself, especially after social interactions, and always fell short of her own impossibly high standards. The result was her increasing reluctance to interact with people in any environment, which impacted many aspects of her life.
During her first few sessions Anna was drawn to our herd leader, an Arabian gelding called Skye. Anna observed the wary look in Skye’s eye and his tendency to notice everything that happened in his environment. “That’s just like me at work,” Anna noted as we watched the herd across the fence. Anna soon discovered many other characteristics she and Skye shared, including heightened sensitivity and a strong desire to take care of their family.
During this particular session we brought Skye and another horse into the arena. Instead of tying either horse up we unclipped both their lead ropes and I guided Anna to the other side of the fence. We watched Skye trot around the arena, head high in the air, while his companion fell asleep by the gate.
Anna looked up at me, the concern evident in her eyes not unlike that in Skye’s, “Is he OK?”
I watched Skye pause for a moment and stare at the rest of the horses grazing in the nearby paddock. “It’s hard for Skye to be away from his herd, and running is his way of releasing the emotion that’s coming up for him”. As I spoke, Skye resumed his circuit of the arena and pooped, “that’s also something horses do when they’re scared,” I added with a smile.
Before long Skye returned to the gate to join his equine and human companions. Head a little lower now, he started to lick and chew – which I explained to Anna was another form of emotional release – and within moments his body language resembled that of the other horse: head comfortably down, back leg resting on its toe, and bottom lip droopy.
A horse at rest.
Watching Skye, Anna let out the breath neither she nor I had noticed she had been holding. “I wish I could be more like Skye,” she whispered, gently rubbing his neck as his eyelids started to close. “He knew just what he needed to do with those feelings, and he went right ahead and did it.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “I don’t think it occurred to Skye to do anything else.”
Anna giggled, “I don’t think he even worried what we thought of him when he pooped.”
I smiled again. Within a few simple moments Skye had provided Anna with all she needed to start making some significant changes in how she approached life; to find the insight and courage to start living – and expressing – in a more emotionally honest way.
How did this happen?
For Anna to see and trust Skye as a role model she needed first to be able to relate to him; recognising all they had in common, including a heightened sensitivity which often led to uncomfortable emotions, facilitated this.
Anna also knew that Skye frequently felt, and sometimes behaved, as she did, and from this she perceived that he understood what life could be like for her.
That was empathy.
Anna then needed to witness Skye responding to their shared emotion in a way which differed from what she would typically do. Anna watched as Skye experienced, felt, processed and released his alarm – safely and respectfully – but without concern for what we or anyone else may think of him. Unlike Anna, or most other humans for that matter, Skye allowed the emotion to move through him, without clogging the process up with unnecessary judgement and over analysis. In this he invited Anna to consider a different way of doing things; a possibility of allowing herself to feel and release her emotions without the crippling self analysis and critique she usually subjected herself to.
This all needed to be delivered in a way which was non judgmental and congruent, conditions which had been established between Anna and Skye during their earlier interactions, and which we explore as frequently being provided by animals in an earlier post.
The end result?
This experience presented an opportunity for Anna to witness and perceive a different, healthier response to emotions which she experienced in her own life, within the context of an emotionally safe relationship which she trusted to be both genuine and unconditional. And from there, an invitation was provided for Anna to apply this possible new way of being within her own life and relationships.
Witnessing all of the above unfold, and become further integrated and applied in subsequent sessions, was a great honour. It also served, and continues to serve, as a valuable reminder for myself as facilitator: of why I chose, and continue to choose, to build my practice and life with animals firmly as a central part.
You can find more examples of animals as relatable role models in the blog post: “Is no fear a good thing?”
Our next article in this series will look at another benefit of recognising all we share with horses: how we can draw upon these similarities, and the differences, within a psycho education animal assisted therapy approach.
What a great story! I’m glad Anna was able to make significant changes in her life by seeing a different perspective with the help of Skye.
The impact of our four legged friends can be amazing. All the lessons to learn
Great article; I’m totally hooked!
This story is great as it shows the human horse connecting on a familiar level with their shared emotions and behavior.
For me, reading this article reminds me that what I may get out of a horse interaction can be completely different role model or modelling than what another person may see. And I think it is so important (at least for me) to recognize this can change from person to person. I have found that it also changes depend on whether I am around or not. For example, my husband can interact with one of our horses completely differently without me standing there watching and in term this horses reacts differently – they both come away with a different perspective than me standing there. Obviously, it is not always an option in terms of safety to do this with clients however, I think it is important to consider this and how it can impact interactions.
Wonderful story! ❤️
I’m excited to see a story like ‘Anna’s’ unfold. Seeing that opening would truly be a priviage.
It’s pretty neat how often horses mirror us in our physical responses and that we can relate to them with our perceptions of their personalities and interactions in their environment.
Wonderful story, thanks for sharing!
Great story! Skye being the relatable role model and Anna able to witness the series of events and having an opportunity to observe different/healthy response is very powerful.
I was really struck by the way Anna had to see herself in Skye, and then see another version of herself being made possible by him. Really impactful. I think it is extremely hard for a person to generate such an immediate and revelatory experience for a client, and it certainly highlights exactly how important and valuable it can be to partner with animals in a therapy or personal growth setting. Thank you for sharing this story.
This is a very strong story with messages for both client and counsellor.
I think many of us have had the experience that regardless of what we may have suggested or attempted to bring forth with our clients, (or friends and family members:) we don’t seem to be really heard or taken up on our offers. Sometimes we see that same person really accept an invitation to consider a very similar notion from someone else or through an experience. It is like they are able to do this because of timing or perhaps it’s the trust they feel with certain people/animals or in certain situations and something magically clicks and they are able to take it and find ways to move somewhere they prefer. It is such a lovely thing to watch. After the reading in the course, I am left with how this seemingly magically process might be invited by some of the ideas you write about. Firstly, by working with horses we can be “one-step remove” and offer the horse as a safe place with no agenda. Secondly, I really value how you have stressed it seems much more useful if the realization comes from the client. These two elements seem to have been key in your discussion above.
Thanks Shari – yes, you have named two aspects that I see as so powerful and critical in this work, especially for people who may have experienced being pushed in other environments or not allowed the time and space I believe we all need.
Shari I appreciate how you interpreted the article from the attachment root of sameness and the invitation that lends to being open to perceive a different, healthier response.
After reading this story it just reemphasized to me the importance of space for both the client and the horse. How not creating this space definitely would have an impact on the size of the invitation. I think back to the program I was working on and how creating a structure for the students perhaps did not grant them the space to just be and accept the invitation. Learning more about the attachment theories, and the invitation helps me to better understand your advice and direction given thank-you Sue.
You are welcome Trish! Yes, this is an aspect of the approach that is not often recognised at the start, especially when there is pressure and expectation from all around to show and do something ‘exciting’ or ‘dramatic’. I know that earlier days in my practice I often didn’t do the best job of creating and allowing as much space as was needed. I think it’s something we are more able to do as we get more comfortable in this work and start to see the benefits of allowing space. Wonderful that you are recognising this so early on in the process!
Beautiful that she was given the space to see what she needed to see from the way Skye dealt with the situation.
Hello all,
What a moving account of how spaciousness can permit the conditions for clients to sense into choice and to tap into their inner sense of knowing. It is a daily reminder to uphold patience and to hold the hope that is needed for clients to get curious of their capacity to heal.
Warmly,
Kim
I’m curious about the choice to unclip the horses and just observe their behaviour. This obviously lead to some pretty powerful insight. Is this something you do regularly Sue? Or did you have an instinct that would be beneficial?
Hi Chloe
I will sometimes do this for safety reasons to allow the horse some space, and I do quite often allow a horse to be loose when first brought into the arena so they can check it out themselves and get comfortable in the space, with the client safely on the other side of the fence/ gate. And yes – it can make for some great observation opportunities!
Such a powerful story Sue, thank you for sharing!
I look forward to becoming more skilled at providing the opportunities that the client needs in order to make the connections and healing that s/he would benefit from in the moment. I have noticed that this is becoming more natural for me since taking the Integration Training in October, but now I am hoping to make more significant observations for the client. Right now, sometimes I am making any observation I can think of in the hopes that it will be meaningful. I am trusting the process and I wonder if it might be happening already more that I realize.
I suspect it is Kellee!
Love this story in observation of more life lessons!
This is a great case study and example of how working with a horse can help a client observe their own feelings, emotions, and behaviours. I love how the horse modelled another way of being for the client.
This is such a relatable story to how we see ourselves in the horses (or animals) we work with. Recognizing similar feelings and behaviours and understanding that ‘we’ aren’t alone in our feelings heightens our empathy but also makes us more self accepting of our own feelings and behaviours. Love this story!
Well said Janet!
I have to agree the self-acceptance piece of this – the more I recognize self-acceptance for myself, the greater I find insights when working with horses!
I like the real life example about skye and anna. It shows how much we can learn from horses just through observation
Great story Sue. It was interesting how quickly Anna related to Skye and how much empathy she felt for him. So much harder to do for ourselves.
so true Patty! This is part of my hope in this work – that we can create a context where a person can attach to a horse and as part of this recognise what they have in common with this horse. Then develop empathy and understanding for what the horse is experiencing. And then, hopefully and over time, start to apply some of that to themselves. Starting off with it being indirect (about the horse) usually makes is so much safer, and often more effective too.
“He knew just what he needed to do with those feelings, and he went right ahead and did it.” – Again, so eloquently deciphered.
I think for many of us, this is HUGE. It speaks to clients learning the power of animals living in the moment, in real time, something I believe the human race has drifted so far away from in many aspects.
I hear this and reflect to my own normal path of decision making or emotion releasing; and how I strategize and weigh options or best approaches, and the energy that takes from me, and how it can compound the layers to increase the weight felt.
Oh, what we can learn from horses.
yes – we have lots to learn from animals that we may have previously considered to be ‘less than’ us, that is for sure! That being said, I don’t want to suggest that we shouldn’t use or value our cognitive abilities or that it has to be an ‘either/ or’ position here. As humans we do have the ability to think deeply and make wise decisions. (I also believe animals have more of this ability than most of us give them credit for – but that is a different topic!) The challenge though, is when we get stuck in this cognitve part without also being informed by our emotions, what we feel in our bodies, and what is happening around us. I see the ideal as when we are able to bring all of these parts together – and our animals are amazing at reintroducing us to the parts we may have missed, lost connection with, or dismissed as unimportant.
I wish people could be given the space to freely express themselves in the moment as Skye was able to do. People are socialized/conditoned to suppress emotional responses and thus they often stay trapped in the nervous system, not having been given the opportunity for release as with Skye.
I hear you Aprille! My hope is that through this work and learning we can start to invite and create more of this for the people in our lives – and hopefully also for ourselves!
Something I still needing to work on….
Thank you for this post Sue. I am so grateful that horses can show us another way to be with ourselves and our emotions. I love the parallels for us as Facilitators as well – we are responsible to hold the safe space for our client and animals, and in doing so must safely manage ourselves throughout the entire process! So much of the early ‘training’ and patterning that we take on as children in the first six years of life comes to unconsciously play out in perpetuity unless we choose to see and make a new choice 🙂 This takes willingness and courage; both qualities we can learn from horses!
What a powerful realization for her. And it’s process was so smooth and gentle. Sometimes it’s hard for humans in general to let in the lessons or accept the lessons that they see, and I feel that horses make this an easier process.
yes – it is so much easier for us to first see it when it’s not about us! And hopefully the horses have also helped us to create an environment which makes it safer for people to feel
Thanks for this! It was very well written. I agree with Denay- it can be easier to spot a lesson through an animal (or someone else) rather than yourself. Horses are very honest about who they are, and what their physical and emotional needs are. They are great teachers and role models.
Great story. We often learn something about ourselves by observing horses they can be such mirrors to our own souls.
This was a really beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it Sue. Do you ever have a client who doesn’t see a connection between themselves and the horse?
This does sometimes happen Dana, yes. There may be a connection with one of the other animals – e.g. one of the cats – or the client may see the horses as representative of/ similar to other people in their lives. I do find that most of my clients are drawn to seeing themselves and their relationships through the animals though and that is usually what brings them to this sport of an approach.
I love the process of recognizing the emotions we have in common with animals, but learning a different way of responding to our emotions by watching the way animals respond to theirs. Like Skye, animals tend to respond to their emotions without apology!
I really enjoyed Anna’s playful link that Skye didn’t care what they thought of him pooping. So powerful when we are typically so riddled with what others think and whether we are doing the right thing or not. I also love how seeing the benefits in action for Skye would leave a more permanent and accessible image and memory for her when faced with using her own tools to decompress that would be more easily accessible, powerful and longstanding tan any advice or narrative a therapist could provide. I am so excited for this work! I notice my own anxiety of “will I point out the right behaviors in the horse to elicit this kind of projection?” while simultaneously knowing that I just have to trust the process and know that what needs to unfold will do so naturally. As I do more experiential work I really find myself moving away from the expert role and recognizing that with the right environment humans naturally move towards healing and find their own truths and answers. So different from traditional CBT therapy where the therapist has the answers and wisdom and bestows it on the client.
yes – trusting the process can be hard when we are used to working under that expectation (and the accompanying pressure and anxiety!) of having all the answers! Once you start to embrace this though it can be liberating and I find it makes so much more space for the client and the horse. I love how you express “with the right environment humans naturally move towards healing and find their own truths and answers”
What a beautiful story and insight from Elicia that humans naturally move towards healing and will find their own truths and answers. I also loved your own advice that trusting the process can be hard yet liberating when we can embrace not having all of the answers. I’m starting to truly understand your “go slow and trust the process’ approach, Sue!
that’s wonderful Amy! I think part of this is allowing ourselves to also ‘go slow and trust the process’ within and for ourselves too!
Great story! I love how it once again demonstrates how slowing down and observing both client and horse can be so beneficial and that we as caregivers and therapists dont have to ‘fix’ things but rather facilitate an environment where the client can explore their own context in healing.
I love how you and Skye gently allowed ‘Anna’ the space to build awareness through such a natural modelling opportunity. Beautiful!
I’ve seen some very powerful relating experiences in the arena. One that stands out is with a 32 year old quarter horse named “Frosty.” I was using him (along with 9 other horses) in a program that met with an outpatient cohort who visited weekly for six weeks. Frosty was retired from mounted work, but this was an in hand group and his only duty at that point. We ground all the work around getting to have a personal relationship with the horses, and that each of the horses is an individual, with their own needs, wants, personalities, strengths and weaknesses etc. Each week Frosty told us with more assertiveness that he did not want to work, did not want to be touched, that in fact, he didn’t want to be in the arena at all. Well, once you’ve got a group of horses tied up in an arena, there is no way you can bring one out and leave the others – the other horses will revolt at the indignity of having stay while one of their pals get’s to go back to pasture lol! We knew as staff, that this would become Frosty’s last day in program – he needed full retirement. Some clients attempted to console him to no effect. I told the group that horses have off days, that it’s okay to be off, that it’s okay to be tired, that despite being off we still love Frosty and will respect his desire to be untouched and simply stand amongst his herd without having to do anything. There were several personal reflections that emerged during the reflection period with their counsellors after the arena time. One that stood out (as it cut to the quick for my own personality) came from one of the ladies who insisted on trying to console Frosty. She reflected on her own insatiable need to be a fixer and rush to help in her relationships and how sometimes the fixer/ helper/ savior reaction to a problem can make things worse, and that sometimes you just need to be quietly present and let situations work themselves out. FYI Frosty is now fully retired and enjoys endless days in pasture running free on his own terms.
This is a great example Jason – both for listening to the horse and the horse’s right to set boundaries and say no, and re all that this brought up for the people in the group. And the beauty of these experiences is you can share them through storytelling with lots of other clients too! Thanks for sharing this!
This is such a simple, yet powerful example Sue. I’ve read it before, and find it just as impactful reading this again!
I had a similar experience recently, where my 10 year old was leading our large (16 HH) Thoroughbred when he startled at his own fart. After we laughed as my son pointed out the irony and humor of how such a large animal can be alarmed by his own fart opened up some pretty insightful reflection and discussion about alarm, and why we as humans mask our alarm.
This is a great example to share! I imagine your ten year old also experienced some alarm when the horse startled? This could then also be a conversation about how we can be impacted by others’ emotions too!
Yes, my son totally startled too, That could have been a great conversation about how our emotions effect others, I will put this in my awareness bank for next time, thank you.